i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
