Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
