sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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