both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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