It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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