Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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