I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
