Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
