Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
