got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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