Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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