Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
