Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i permit you to call me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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