I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I AM VODKA MAN
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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