Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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