Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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