ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
