Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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