i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize