i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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