I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bring money and cleavage
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize