We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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