I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
