How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
