if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
