I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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