I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Drunk is a universal language darling
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