He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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