She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
