its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha