I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.