idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family