if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
