drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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