You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
