my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
