i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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