when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
