apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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