Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
