so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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