you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
