i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
