i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Houston, we have a blender
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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