Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
