Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Damn victory sex feels great
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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