Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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