So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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