it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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