I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
