Please, let me fuck your mom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
