Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
