you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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