do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize