I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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