I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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