Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
