Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
