your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
