Need sex. Gaining weight.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
