Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
barbara walters just said penis...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
