A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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