And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
