my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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